A selfish person is someone who always puts their own needs, wants, and comfort above everyone else, often without thinking twice. They have a hard time considering how their actions affect others and rarely feel the need to adjust or compromise.
It’s easy to confuse selfishness with being self-centered, but there’s a difference. Self-centered people are mostly about themselves as if their whole world revolves around them, but most often, they don’t mean any harm to others. Selfish people, on the other hand, often make choices that knowingly hurt or inconvenience others, and they do it anyway.
They might ignore your feelings, downplay your struggles, or only show up when it benefits them. Dealing with such people always has negative effects on your mental well-being, especially if you don’t set some limits with them.
So, let’s look at some of the most common signs selfish people tend to show. Noticing these patterns isn’t always easy, but being aware of them is a key step in protecting your peace and taking better care of your emotional well-being.
1. They Always Put Themselves First
At first glance, this trait can be a little confusing. After all, we all look out for ourselves from time to time. Putting your needs first isn’t a bad thing — it’s part of self-care. But the difference lies in knowing when to pause and consider others, too.
A person with empathy understands when to step back and make space for someone else. They know that relationships, whether with family, friends, or partners, require balance. They’re not constantly about themselves to the point where it starts hurting others.
Selfish people, on the other hand, live in their own world where they need to make sure they take advantage of every situation without even a bit of care for how it might affect others. They don’t hesitate, even when their actions clearly hurt someone else. They focus on what they can gain, not how their behavior might impact the people around them.
I’ve had people in my life who only reached out when they needed something, but were nowhere to be found when I needed support. That one-sided pattern speaks louder than words.
2. They Rarely Show Genuine Appreciation
This is one of the reddest flags when it comes to selfish people.
If you’ve ever had someone like this in your close circle, whether a friend, colleague, or even a family member, you must’ve seen this trait play out loud and clear.
Selfish people hate giving compliments. And no, that’s not an exaggeration. Rather than acknowledge someone else’s success, they’d rather highlight a flaw or insecurity just to bring that person down. The idea of someone else doing better or looking better than them is simply unbearable.
Insane behavior, right?
Back in school, I had a friend who was always competing with me academically. I remember when I topped the final exams and was nominated for a high achiever award. Everyone congratulated me, except them. In fact, instead of saying something kind, they chose to comment on how I “could have looked better” on my big day. That moment stuck with me.
When people can’t celebrate you — even in your wins — it speaks volumes about where their heart really stands.
3. They Disappear When You Need Them
All relationships work on give and take — except for the love you get from your parents. That’s probably the only kind of love that’s truly selfless. But with everyone else, whether it’s friends, partners, or even close colleagues, there needs to be a balance. Both people should show up for each other.
But then there are those people whose main aim in life seems to be gaining something from others. They love having people around, especially when they need emotional support, attention, or favors. They want you to be there for them, without fail. But the moment you need something from them — they go missing from the scene.
And that honestly says the most about who they really are. You can’t build something real with someone who only sticks around when it’s convenient for them.
I know a couple where one partner always goes the extra mile — planning thoughtful surprises, remembering the little things, and really putting in the effort. But when it’s their turn to receive that same energy, it rarely happens.
There’s always a reason, always an excuse. The effort just never matches. This kind of one-sidedness is a telling sign that someone is simply being selfish.
4. They Struggle With Accountability
One of the most evident signs of a selfish person is how badly they handle being called out. They find it incredibly hard to take responsibility for their actions.
For example, if you confront them and try to explain how their actions have hurt you, instead of reflecting or apologizing, they’ll either blame someone else, get defensive, or act like it never happened.
This is gaslighting — another negative trait selfish people often display. Gaslighting is when someone manipulates you into questioning your own reality or feelings, making you feel like you’re overreacting or imagining things.
Everyone makes mistakes, but not everyone owns up to them. A selfish person will twist the situation so that somehow you end up feeling guilty, even when they were clearly in the wrong. It’s less about right or wrong for them and more about protecting their ego at all costs.
I’ve seen people lie straight-faced just to avoid admitting something as small as forgetting a commitment. And when they do apologize, it’s often half-hearted — for instance, “I’m sorry you feel that way, but…” Well, there will always be a “but.” Not real accountability. Just damage control.
5. They Always Think They’re Right
Some people just cannot be wrong — even when they clearly are. That’s another big red flag when it comes to selfish personalities. They have this need to always be right, and it’s less about facts or logic, and more about control and ego.
Trying to have a healthy disagreement or even a simple discussion with them can feel exhausting. They’ll cut you off mid-sentence, talk over you, or spin the situation to suit their narrative. And even if they’re proven wrong, they’ll find a way to deflect or twist things around just to avoid admitting it.
It’s frustrating because conversations with them aren’t about understanding or resolution — they’re about winning. And in the long run, that mindset ruins mutual respect.
I’ve been in situations where I ended up apologizing just to keep the peace, even when I knew I wasn’t the one at fault. That’s the kind of mental drain you deal with around people who always need to be right.
7. They Expect Special Treatment
Another loud sign of a selfish person is how they somehow believe the rules don’t apply to them. Whether it’s in friendships, workspaces, or even daily situations, they expect others to adjust, accommodate, or go the extra mile while they do the bare minimum, if anything at all.
You can see how they function. These kinds of people always want things to be done their way. And when they don’t get what they want, they either throw tantrums or, worse, they ruin the whole vibe for everyone.
I had this colleague who was super controlling and always wanted everything to go their way. I remember once we chose a different restaurant than the one they recommended because none of the teammates wanted to go there. So we went elsewhere, but during the entire lunch, they kept criticizing the food and the ambiance and made sure nobody had a good time.
Red flag behavior!
Being around someone like that gets exhausting because you’re constantly made to feel like you owe them something when, really, you don’t.
They’re also incredibly entitled. They want their needs to be a priority, even if it means putting you in an uncomfortable spot. What’s worse? They rarely acknowledge this behavior. They think it’s completely normal because, in their mind, they deserve more.
The Bottom Line:
Selfish people might not always show their true colors right away. Sometimes, they seem nice or even caring, but if you pay attention, their actions tell a different story. They take way more than they give and only stick around when it suits them.
Knowing these signs isn’t about cutting people off instantly. It’s about protecting your own peace and energy. Once you see who’s really worth your time, setting boundaries gets a lot easier.
At the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone your time or kindness if they don’t respect or value you in return.