5 Mistakes to Avoid When Dealing with a Toxic Person

Most of us know exactly what that word means now — toxic. The kind of people who drain your energy, twist your words, make everything about themselves, and leave you feeling confused, guilty, or just not good enough.

It’s more than just bad behavior; it’s a pattern that slowly chips away at your peace and suck the life out of us.

These people could be anywhere. A friend who constantly brings you down, a family member who manipulates you, a coworker who thrives on drama, or even a stranger who ruins your day with their attitude. All these fall into the category.

But of course, we don’t have to worry about the random strangers on the streets since we don’t have to deal with them over and again. But when the toxic person is part of your close circle, that’s when things get a lot more complicated.

It’s not easy to deal with such people. You can’t always walk away, but you also can’t let them get too close. Because if you’re not careful, they can pull you into their mess and leave you feeling drained, anxious, and questioning yourself.

So, protecting your mental and emotional well-being becomes non-negotiable. You have to act wisely because when these people are too close, like a part of your family, it’s not always easy to just cut them off completely.

Here are a few common mistakes we all need to avoid when dealing with a toxic person, especially when cutting them off is not an option just yet.

1. Believing You Can Fix Them

This is something most of us have done at some point, and if we’re being honest, we’re all a little guilty of it — believing we can fix someone who doesn’t even see a problem with the way they behave. It comes from a good place, sure. But let’s face it, good intentions don’t always save us from bad situations.

I’m sure many of you will agree when I say we’ve all been there… thinking we can help them, guide them, be patient with them, love them enough, and somehow make them a better person. We tell ourselves that maybe if we show them kindness, if we stay long enough, if we don’t give up on them… they’ll finally change.

And don’t even get me started on love. Some of us are naive enough to believe that love alone can fix people or magically turn all their bad into good.

Disclaimer: You can’t.

You can’t change someone unless they want to change. Unless they’re willing to see how their actions hurt others, take accountability, and actually do the work to grow. And honestly, that’s not something you can force, no matter how much time, love, or energy you pour into them. It’s not your job to fix someone who’s comfortable staying the same.

Walk away from the idea that it’s your responsibility to change someone who refuses to even try. It’s not noble. It’s not romantic. It’s just painful.

2. Ignoring How They Make You Feel

Never ignore how someone makes you feel after you’re done interacting with them. That lingering heaviness, the tight feeling in your chest, the sudden drop in your energy, that’s not just in your head. It’s real. And it’s your body’s way of telling you something isn’t right.

Think about it — when you talk to a kind, genuine person, you don’t walk away feeling anxious or confused. You don’t sit there overthinking every word you said or wondering if you messed up somehow.

So if you’re constantly left feeling drained, uneasy, or like you’re walking on eggshells after dealing with someone, that’s a huge sign. That’s what toxicity does; it slowly transfers its own negative energy onto you.

And here’s the thing. They don’t suffer. You do. Because most toxic people are wired that way, some don’t even realize they’re doing it, but many do it deliberately. And if you’re someone with a soft heart, someone who genuinely means well, this hits harder.

You start questioning yourself. Was it me? Did I say something wrong? Did I overreact?

But here’s what you need to unlearn: It’s not about you; it never was. You did what you could. You showed up with honesty and care. If they still want to twist things, play mind games, or blame you for everything, let them.

That’s on them, not you. Protect your peace, and start paying attention to how people make you feel. That’s how you stop letting their negativity get to you.

3. Explaining Yourself Too Much

If you’ve ever found yourself going in circles trying to explain your side or justify your boundaries, you’re not alone.

See, a person who thrives on negativity and drama will do whatever they can to get a reaction out of you. That’s their game. And manipulation? Oh, they love it. That’s one of their favorite tools to control people.

When they can’t play you straight-up, they’ll keep poking you with questions, twisting your words, and playing mind games. Especially when you start setting boundaries, they absolutely hate boundaries.

But don’t let that shake you. If you’ve drawn a line, hold it. Be firm, be clear, and stop feeling like you owe anyone a long explanation. You don’t. Not everyone deserves access to your peace of mind. The more you explain, the more room they get to twist, question, and push your limits.

My honest advice here is to maintain a safe distance whenever you can. But if they happen to be someone close like family, a longtime friend, or a colleague you can’t avoid, keep the interaction short and neutral. Don’t give them the space to trick you, confuse you, or guilt you into anything that goes against your comfort.

Set your limits, and stick to them — no speeches, no emotional paragraphs — just calm, and firm energy.

4. Waiting for an Apology That’s Never Coming

This one feels personal. Toxic people have this way of making you feel like you’re the problem, like you’re overreacting or being too sensitive. When you try to explain how they hurt you or call out their behavior, they either act like they don’t know what you’re talking about or somehow make it all your fault.

And so you wait. You wait for them to reflect on their behavior, feel guilty, and realise they were unfair. But the truth is, that apology you’re waiting for will probably never come.

Because here’s the thing: someone who doesn’t even acknowledge what they did wrong will not suddenly grow a conscience. Most toxic people don’t believe they did anything wrong in the first place. And even if they realize their mistake (which is rare) or know deep down that they messed up, they won’t admit it or say it out loud.

That’s because they hate accountability; it threatens their ego, and taking responsibility for their actions makes them feel weak.

I’m sure many of you have been in that exact situation, when someone hurt you badly, never apologized, and days later started talking to you like nothing happened, like you were supposed just to forget the pain and play along.

And the worst part is, you’re left wondering whether you should speak up again or just let it go because it’s too exhausting to keep trying. But honestly, you need to stop holding onto that hope.

Waiting around for an apology only keeps you stuck and won’t let you move on. You deserve closure, but sometimes you have to give it to yourself. So, please do yourself a favor and release yourself from the shackles of such people, no matter who they are, at least emotionally, because that’s also a win in itself.

5. Taking Their Behavior Personally

This one is really important. Because no matter how much we understand it in theory, when something hurtful comes from someone we’re close to, it still hits hard.

It’s almost instinctive to take it personally, to wonder what we did wrong, to replay conversations in our heads and blame ourselves for their cold tone, their angry outburst, or their silence. But when it comes to toxic people, you’ve got to train your mind to stop doing that.

You’ve got to stop making excuses for their behavior and stop turning every insult or passive-aggressive comment into something you caused.

Toxic people project. They throw their unresolved issues, their insecurities, and their own emotional mess onto others, and most of the time, you’re just the closest target. Their anger, their blame, their emotional outbursts… they have very little to do with you and a lot more to do with what’s brewing inside them.

And if you’re someone with a soft heart, someone who naturally overthinks and self-reflects, it’s even easier to fall into the trap of carrying the guilt for things that were never your burden in the first place.

I’ve learned this the hard way. I used to blame myself every time someone lashed out at me. I’d replay the situation over and over, trying to figure out what I said wrong or how I could’ve handled it better. But with time, I’ve trained myself to pause and look at things more objectively.

To stop getting emotionally tangled in every situation and instead ask: Is this really about me, or is this just them projecting again?

It was not about me.

So stop shrinking yourself to accommodate their chaos. Protect your peace. Let them sit with their own mess. You don’t have to absorb it.

Leave A Comment:

Have you ever dealt with a toxic person? If yes, how did you handle it, and what did you learn from the experience? Share your experience with me, I would love to hear your thoughts.