Relationships are a part of our everyday life. We have them with family, friends, partners, and coworkers, and they shape how we feel, grow, and connect with the world around us. However, not all relationships are the same. Some feel draining, full of misunderstandings, or one-sided, while others feel lighter, healthier, and like a safe space that feels like home.
That’s what we mean when we talk about positive relationships. A positive relationship is not perfect or conflict-free, but it’s built on mutual respect, trust, and the ability to work through problems without tearing each other down.
The difference lies in how both people show up in good and bad times — how they listen to each other, respond, and offer consistent support.
What Sets Positive Relationships Apart
It’s easy to assume a relationship is good as long as there aren’t major fights or constant conflicts. However, a genuinely positive relationship extends beyond mere compatibility or good chemistry. It’s about how safe, seen, understood, and supported both partners feel — not just on the good days but especially when things get tough.
It’s in how they stand up for each other when it counts, how they value one another, and how they make each other feel heard, respected, and genuinely cared for. It’s not just about being happy together when things are easy, but about how much consistent effort both people are willing to put in to strengthen the relationship — not just on the surface, but at its core.
There’s mutual effort, honesty, and room for growth without any fear of judgment or control. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about building something steady, real, and lasting.
So, let’s take a look at a few ways to build and nurture positive relationships.
1. Communicate Clearly and Honestly
One of the most crucial parts of a healthy relationship is clear communication and honesty. When both partners understand the value of speaking openly and truthfully, misunderstandings tend to happen less often, and when they do, they’re easier to work through.
As relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, known for decades of research on healthy couples, points out: couples who regularly turn toward each other and talk honestly about their thoughts, needs, and feelings tend to build stronger emotional connections.
And it’s not just about the big conversations. It’s the everyday things too — saying what you mean instead of expecting your partner to “just know,” addressing minor issues before they grow, and being honest about your feelings without sugarcoating or withdrawing.
For example, if you need some space to be on your own, it’s better to express that clearly instead of acting distant or irritated. A simple “I need a little time to clear my head” or “That didn’t sit right with me, so maybe we can talk about it” can make all the difference.
At the heart of it, open communication is a form of care. It shows that you trust your partner enough to be real with them and that you value the relationship enough to keep things honest and transparent.
2. Think in Terms of “We” Instead of “I”
In a healthy relationship, it’s not just about two individuals living side by side, but about building their life together. So when both partners start thinking in terms of “we” instead of just “I,” it naturally builds a stronger sense of partnership and shared purpose.
I’ve seen couples argue over money and say things like, “This is my salary — you don’t get to decide how it’s spent,” or “Why should I pay for your family?” Even in moments of pride or struggle, some say, “I worked hard for this promotion” or “These are my kids; I make the final call.”
Arguments over housework also carry the same tone. For example, “I’m always cleaning up your mess,” or “I do everything while you just sit.”
These small phrases might not seem like a big deal at the moment, but they add up over time and slowly weaken the bond — sometimes leading to a breakup, or worse, both people growing apart and staying in an unhappy relationship out of habit or pressure.
When couples fall into this “I” vs. “you” mindset, it often turns the relationship into a competition. It starts feeling like it’s one person against the other instead of two people on the same team.
Shifting to “we,” even in small ways, reminds both partners that they’re in it together — working toward the same goals, sharing the same space, and building something mutual and meaningful.
RELATED READING: 10-signs-youre-with-an-emotionally-mature-partner-without-even-realizing-it/
3. Be Reliable and Keep Promises
It’s really important for both people to be honest with each other, keep the promises they make, earn each other’s trust, and, most importantly, maintain that trust.
No relationship can succeed or even last in the long run without it. Trust is what creates emotional safety in a relationship, and once it’s broken, it can take a long time to rebuild.
Think about the small things. For example, if someone says, “I’ll call you after work,” but rarely follows through or promises to help with something but keeps forgetting, over time, these small letdowns start to matter. They slowly affect how much a person trusts you and whether they see you as dependable.
When promises are made and then casually broken, it creates distance and doubt. The other person starts to feel like they can’t count on you, let alone trust you with bigger or more important things.
According to Dr. Brené Brown, a researcher and expert in vulnerability and trust, trust isn’t built through grand gestures. It’s built in the smallest moments when people choose to show up, follow through, and stay consistent.
Being reliable doesn’t mean being perfect or never needing to change plans. I mean, sure, life happens. But constantly ditching your partner or letting them down sends a clear message — either they don’t matter enough to you, or you simply can’t be trusted.
4. Listen Actively and with Intent
A lot of people think they’re good listeners, but in reality, they’re just waiting for their turn to talk. Many don’t even realize what active listening actually means.
It’s not just about being quiet while the other person speaks. It’s about being fully present and making sure they feel genuinely heard.
Active listening means you’re not scrolling through your phone, zoning out, or forming your next argument in your head while they’re still speaking. It means you’re tuned in — to their words, their tone, and even what they’re not saying.
In a healthy relationship, this kind of intentional listening builds trust, comfort, and emotional safety.
For example, if your partner says, “I’ve been feeling like things are different between us now than how they used to be,” and your first reaction is to shut it down, dismiss their concern, defend yourself, or change the subject, you’re missing a chance to actually connect.
But if you pause, take a breath, and respond with something like, “Can you help me understand what you mean?” — that simple moment can shift everything.
Here, you’re not just choosing to listen to your partner’s concerns. You’re creating space for them to speak openly, without fear of being judged, interrupted, or dismissed.
According to Dr. Sue Johnson, a clinical psychologist and expert in emotionally focused therapy, feeling emotionally heard and acknowledged is one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship satisfaction.
When both people listen to each other with patience and intent, things stop feeling like arguments and start feeling like actual conversations, and that’s how a positive connection is built
5. Handle Conflicts Without Turning Against Each Other
There is no such thing as a perfect or flawless relationship. Perfection is a hoax; it doesn’t exist. Every relationship has its ups and downs. Disagreements are normal, conflicts occur, and people fight — but what matters is how they handle those disagreements and resolve the conflict without destroying the whole relationship.
In a positive relationship, both people strive to address issues without resorting to attacking each other. It’s not “you always do this” or “you never listen,” but more like “this bothered me, and I’d like to talk about it.” That shift in tone makes a huge difference.
Arguments don’t have to become battles. It’s okay to be upset or hurt because your partner said something, but when anger turns into name-calling, stonewalling, or bringing up past mistakes just to score a point, it stops being about solving the problem. It becomes about winning, and that’s where damage happens.
Therapists like Dr. Julie Gottman, co-founder of the Gottman Institute, often talk about the importance of fighting fair, which includes staying respectful, managing tone, and avoiding the blame game.
The goal isn’t to avoid conflict but to move through it without tearing each other down.
6. Support Each Other’s Growth Without Feeling Threatened
A strong relationship doesn’t hold you back. It uplifts you, encourages you to do better, and pushes you forward. In a positive and secure partnership, both partners can grow individually without making the other person feel insecure, left behind, or threatened.
Growth can look different for everyone. It could be starting a new job, setting personal goals, building confidence, learning a new skill, or even healing from past experiences. And when one partner begins to evolve or start doing better, the other shouldn’t feel like they’re being left out or left behind, because a relationship is not a competition.
In a healthy dynamic, you cheer for each other’s wins, even if it’s something you don’t fully relate to. You support without making it about yourself. For example, if your partner decides to go back to school, start a new business venture, or join a fitness class, it’s essential to respond with encouragement rather than sarcasm or silent judgment.
As therapist and author Esther Perel often explains, long-term love requires a balance between connection and autonomy. You can be deeply connected and still give each other space to grow. That’s what keeps things alive and evolving.
At the end of the day, two people who are constantly learning, improving, and supporting each other’s paths will build a relationship that’s not only strong but sustainable.
RELATED READING: 6-small-habits-that-make-you-more-likeable-without-changing-who-you-are/
7. Appreciate Each Other Often, Not Just on Big Days
It’s easy to say “thank you” on birthdays, anniversaries, or when your partner does something big. However, in a healthy relationship, appreciation shows up in the little things, and it shows up often.
You don’t have to wait for grand gestures to express gratitude. It could be as simple as saying, “Thanks for making me tea,” or “I see how hard you’ve been working lately.” These small moments of recognition can go a long way in making the other person feel valued and seen, and they matter a lot.
On the other hand, when you stop noticing or acknowledging your partner’s efforts, both big and small, it starts to feel like you’re taking them for granted. That silence, over time, creates emotional distance and slowly pushes people apart, even if everything else seems okay on the surface.
According to relationship experts like Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, expressing appreciation in a way your partner understands — whether through words, small acts, or time — helps build emotional closeness and strengthens your bond.
You don’t need big speeches or constant praise. A little acknowledgment, given genuinely and regularly, helps your partner feel like their presence and effort actually matter. When both people make the effort to appreciate each other, it strengthens the bond and makes it easier to stay connected through the rough patches.
Final Thoughts
Every relationship has its own rhythm. What makes it work is how two people choose to show up for each other every day. It’s not about doing everything right, but about trying, learning, and staying real with one another.
