Everyone wants to feel loved in life, especially in close relationships and, most importantly, romantic ones. It’s a natural need. But sometimes, without even realizing it, we start holding on to people a little too tightly, thinking it’s love.
We often confuse love with necessity, believing we need their attention to feel complete or their approval to feel worthy.
We convince ourselves that someone’s presence and their bare minimum effort is enough. Even when we’re handed crumbs in the name of love or affection, we hold on to them like they’re everything. Until one day, we don’t. Until we come to our senses and finally see the full picture — that what we thought was love was just them doing the least, and us calling it enough.
It’s not always easy to spot when you’re the one chasing love instead of receiving it. It can feel like you’re just being loyal and putting in effort, but deep down, you might be slowly losing yourself. Here are a few signs that might prompt you to stop and think.
1. You Constantly Seek Reassurance
One of the clearest signs that you might be chasing or begging for someone’s love is when you keep seeking their validation and reassurance.
When you love someone, it shows through your words, your efforts, your tone, and even the way you look at them. It all flows naturally. But when your love is evident and theirs feels uncertain, you start to question everything.
You’re left confused, wondering where you stand, overthinking small things, and trying to make sense of their mixed signals.
You may find yourself wondering if they still love you or if they’re happy with you, even when everything seems fine. You analyze their silences, their texts, and their tone, and always read between the lines.
This behavior on their part often indicates that their feelings toward you are unclear. And while you’re sure about yours, they’re either unsure of theirs or keeping you in doubt.
The thing is, love should never feel like something you have to chase again and again just to feel seen.
2. You Prioritize Them Over Yourself (Almost Always)
If you constantly put their wants, needs, and preferences above your own — what they like, how they like it, what they don’t like — while ignoring your own, just to keep them happy, then it’s a clear sign that you’re chasing their love.
It may feel like you’re being loving or selfless, but what you’re really doing is slowly losing your voice in the relationship.
Love should never demand that you forget yourself. When someone truly loves you, they won’t make you choose them over yourself every time. They’ll care about your priorities too. What makes you happy, what you need, and how you feel should matter just as much.
One of the basic rules of love is acceptance. Being with someone who loves you means they accept you wholeheartedly. Not just when you agree with them or sacrifice for them, but even when you speak up, disagree, or have needs of your own.
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3. You Ignore the Red Flags
When you really want something to work, it’s easy to look the other way. You notice the red flags, but you convince yourself they’re not that bad.
For example, if your partner raises their voice at you every time they’re angry or upset, that’s not healthy or acceptable behavior. If they constantly make you compromise, guilt-trip you, manipulate situations to get their way, or gaslight you when you call out their bad behavior, these are all red flags.
And they shouldn’t be brushed off as normal or not a big deal.
But if you still choose to ignore them or sweep them under the rug just to avoid conflict or because you fear they’ll leave you, then it’s no longer about love. It becomes about holding on to something out of fear, even if it means losing parts of yourself along the way.
4. You Change Yourself to Be What They Want
When you care deeply for someone, it’s normal to want to grow or become better. But there’s a difference between growth and changing your entire self just to be accepted.
For example, if you start hiding parts of your personality, pretending to like things you don’t, or avoiding things you love just because you’re afraid they won’t approve, then it’s basically you, indirectly begging for their love — even if it comes at the cost of your happiness, comfort, and most importantly, your individuality.
You might find yourself dressing a certain way because that’s what they prefer, or holding back your opinions to avoid disagreement. You shrink yourself to fit into whatever version of you they like more. And slowly, you stop feeling like yourself.
Real love doesn’t ask you to become someone else. It accepts you as you are and grows with you, not at the cost of your identity, but with respect for it.
5. You Accept Mistreatment
When you’re craving someone’s love, you might start making excuses for how they treat you. You tell yourself they didn’t mean it, that they were just stressed, or that it was somehow your fault.
Even though you know deep down that they’re mistreating you, you tell yourself to be okay with it because you desperately want them to love you and accept you.
According to psychologists, people with an anxious attachment style often tolerate mistreatment just to keep the connection alive. The fear of being left can become stronger than the need to feel safe and respected.
It could be the way they speak to you, how they dismiss your feelings, or how they always put themselves first. Even if it hurts you, you let it slide. You convince yourself that love means being patient and understanding, even when it crosses into disrespect.
But love is never meant to hurt you repeatedly or make you question your worth. If you have to accept mistreatment to feel loved, then it’s not love. It’s fear, it’s desperation, and it’s a sign that you’re holding on to someone who doesn’t value you the way you deserve.
6. You’re Afraid to Speak Up About Your Needs
When you’re desperate to hold on to someone’s love, your own needs often take a backseat. You hesitate to speak up because you don’t want to seem “too much,” “too needy,” “overly clingy,” or “too sensitive.”
You fear that expressing how you feel or what you want might push them away, so either you stay silent or agree with everything they say and do just to please them.
According to some mental health experts, this behavior often stems from low self-worth or a belief that love must be earned, not received freely. In a healthy relationship, where both partners love, value, and respect each other equally, one person’s needs don’t become the other’s burden — they’re heard, valued, and met halfway.
For example, if you always tiptoe around the person you love because you’re afraid they’ll get mad at you, can you even call their feelings ‘love’? Or is it just you constantly trying to appeal to them, hoping they’ll accept a version of you who’s willing to do whatever it takes to be liked? Think about it.
7. You Neglect Your Boundaries
When love feels uncertain, you might let your personal boundaries slide to avoid rocking the boat. You allow things that don’t feel right or go along with things you usually wouldn’t, hoping it’ll bring you closer to them.
For example, if you’re not yet comfortable with a certain level of emotional or physical intimacy but still push yourself to meet your partner’s needs, that’s neglecting your boundaries. You’re trying to keep them happy at the cost of your own values and comfort.
Or maybe you agree to attend family gatherings even though you don’t feel ready, just because you’re scared they’ll think you’re not serious enough. That, too, is ignoring your inner voice for the sake of keeping someone close.
The thing is, when someone truly loves you, they respect your pace and your comfort. They won’t push you into things you’re not ready for. But if they continue to cross your boundaries anyway, then maybe it’s time to rethink your place in their life and theirs in yours.
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8. You Keep Trying to Fix the Relationship Alone
When you’re unsure about someone’s love for you, you might take it upon yourself to fix the relationship, even if the other person isn’t making any conscious effort.
You try harder, give more of yourself in every way possible, and quietly hope that all your efforts will finally make them see your worth.
For example, you might start over-explaining yourself during every disagreement to avoid conflict, even when you’re not at fault. You go out of your way to do little things for them — sending thoughtful messages, planning surprise dinners, changing your plans, picking up their favorite food — yet they rarely do the same for you.
According to relationship expert and licensed therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, healthy relationships are built on mutual effort and emotional safety. A one-sided commitment not only leads to burnout but also prevents the other person from taking responsibility for their part.
Love should never feel like a project you’re constantly managing on your own. If you’re always the one trying to make it work, it might be time to ask yourself if they’re genuinely willing to meet you where you are.
Final Thoughts:
When love feels uncertain, it’s easy to overextend yourself just to feel secure. But real love doesn’t leave you constantly second-guessing your worth or efforts. It meets you with clarity, consistency, and care. If you find yourself always questioning where you stand, it may not be love that needs fixing, but most probably the standard you’re settling for.