Friendship is a meaningful, non-romantic connection between two people who offer love, support, and understanding to each other — no matter their gender.
It’s supposed to be a two-way street where effort flows both ways.
But sometimes, you end up in a friendship where you’re the only one putting in the work. You’re always the one reaching out, making plans, and checking in, while the other person just… exists.
It starts to feel like you’re carrying all the weight, and they’re just enjoying the benefits.
If that sounds familiar, you might be in a one-sided friendship. And today, we’re breaking down the signs so you can spot them early — and decide what to do next.
1. You’re Always the One Reaching Out
Think about it — you’re both supposed to be friends, right? So, the effort should be 50/50. But somehow, you’re always the one who sends the first message, starts the conversation, makes the hangout plans, and even follows through to make sure they happen.
You’re the one checking in. You call to ask if they’re okay. But what about them? Do they ever do the same for you?
I’ve recently cut ties with a long-time friend who did exactly this. I tried really hard to keep the friendship boat afloat, but they couldn’t have been more indifferent. And the worst part? When I finally confronted them, instead of acknowledging anything or reflecting on their behavior, they just said, “Well, that’s how I am. I’m okay with you doing all the work. After all, what are friends for?”
Well that was an eye-opener!
If that sounds familiar, you’re probably stuck in a one-sided friendship, too — where you’re doing all the emotional labor, and they’re just soaking up the benefits without lifting a finger.
Yes, life is busy. But being busy is not an excuse for emotional laziness. If someone can’t even try to match your effort, they’re not your people.
2. Everything Is Always About Them
In a healthy two-way friendship, both people listen to each other, show up during tough times, celebrate the wins, and just be there when it matters.
But in a one-sided friendship, it’s different. The spotlight always seems to be on them. When they need to vent, they’ll call you and talk for hours. Even during meetups, they dominate every conversation. But the moment you try to share something — anything — about your own struggles, they stop listening. Somehow, the topic magically shifts back to them.
Red flag alert.
I used to have a friend back in college who always did this. Whenever we sat together, and I tried to talk about how I was struggling in one of my major subjects, they barely listened. Instead, they’d immediately start talking about how well they were doing in theirs.
It used to bother me, until I realized that in our friendship, everything was always about them — and they never really cared about what I was going through.
A friendship that favors just one side loses its balance and stops being a true connection.
3. They’re Never Around When You Need Support
Friends are supposed to be there for you when you need them because the saying “a friend in need is a friend indeed” isn’t just a deep quote — it really means something.
But a friend who can’t be there for you (let alone help) when you need support — are they truly your friend?
When a friend is present only for the fun times and absent during the hard ones, it reveals a lot about how strong (or weak) your connection really is.
I learned this the hard way. I had friends who were always around during the good moments but completely disappeared when I faced serious struggles. At first, I made excuses for them — maybe they were busy or didn’t know what to say. But after a while, I realized I was the only one holding that friendship together.
Your struggles reveal who your true friends are and who’s only pretending. So be wise, and don’t let anyone take your kindness for granted.
4. They Downplay Your Problems
Ever opened up to someone about something that’s been eating you up inside, and they made you feel like you were just being dramatic? Like suddenly, your emotions were too loud, too much?
It’s not a good feeling. You start questioning yourself — maybe I am too sensitive, maybe I am overthinking it. But deep down, you know you’re not. You’re just trying to be heard.
If you have a friend in your life who brushes off your struggles, laughs it off when you’re clearly upset, or worse — makes it about themselves — that’s not a real friend. That’s someone who isn’t emotionally available for you. And no matter how long you’ve known them, that doesn’t make it okay.
Being friends with such people is hard. It not only makes you second-guess your entire existence but also drains the life out of you. Because after all, if even your friends can’t understand you, then maybe you’re the problem, right?
No. Don’t think like that. You’re not.
You’re a human being with emotions. You deserve to be heard. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you feel small when you’re already struggling. Don’t let anyone convince you that your feelings are a burden — they’re not.
5. Your Wins Don’t Excite Them
Who do we run to when something good happens? Our family, our friends — the people closest to us. We expect them to cheer us on, to be happy for us like we’d be for them.
But when you’re friends with someone who doesn’t get excited about your achievements, who doesn’t celebrate your milestones, it hurts. You tell them you got that job, aced that exam, or finally hit a goal you worked so hard for — and all you get is a dry “nice” or a quick nod before they change the topic.
It might seem small, but it says a lot. If someone can’t genuinely be happy for you, especially when they know how much it means to you, it’s not just disappointing — it’s revealing. It’s a clear sign that they’re not sincere, and their intentions might not be as pure as you thought. So, you better watch out.
True friends show up not just when you’re down, but also when you’re winning. And if they can’t clap for you when it’s your turn to shine, ask yourself: are they really in your corner?
6. They Only Come Around When They Need Something
You know the pattern. They go silent for weeks, never bother to check in or ask how you’re doing, and then out of the blue, they show up — not to see how you are, but because they need something. Maybe it’s advice, maybe a favour, or just someone to vent to. But whatever it is, it’s always about what they want.
They don’t reach out to genuinely connect or show that they care. They only message when it’s convenient for them, when it serves their purpose. And honestly, that’s not what friendship looks like.
That’s not just disappointing; it’s self-interest. I’d even call it selfish. These people aren’t in your life to build something meaningful; they’re only here to take what they can get when they need it.
They don’t care how you’re doing. They won’t check in when you’re low and won’t be there unless there’s something in it for them. And that’s not friendship — that’s straight-up using someone.
Such people are walking red flags — toxic, self-centered, and completely unaware of the emotional toll they leave behind. If you find yourself constantly being on the giving end while they only show up with open hands, it’s time to cut that cord.
Takeaway:
If someone only remembers you when they need something, that’s not friendship — that’s convenience. True friends show up even when they have nothing to gain. Know the difference, and don’t be afraid to walk away from one-sided bonds.
This article is based on general patterns and observations. It is not a substitute for professional advice.